Awkard Tattoos

As I wrote my last (imperfect) post, I started to take a detour that I decided to cut out and make an entirely separate post another time. So, without further adieu, here's my bunny trail from the post-it note post...

How does answering "Yes" to the question, "Do you know that I love you?" mean for our relationship with others? In my last post, I talked about how answering that changes ourselves and our relationship with God, but the more I thought about it the more I contemplated how this effects my perspective of other people--or how it should effect my perspective.

Answering “Yes” for myself has really convicted me that the answer is “Yes” for other people too and if God loves and desires fellowship with other people too, then in what way am I called to fellowship with them? It’s just really about seeing people through God’s eyes and with His love. I love that Brandon Heath song Give Me Your Eyes. If you haven't heard it, you should check it out but here's the chorus:

Give me your eyes for just one second,
Give me your eyes so I can see,
Everything that I keep missing,
Give your love for humanity.
Give me your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach.
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten.
Give me Your eyes so I can see.

If we have God's eyes for people, then we would see how much He loves them and desires fellowship with them. Now, that sounds great. To do list: see people as God sees them and love them as He would--Check, right? Not so easy. I don't know, maybe that is really easy for you (and if it is let me know how you do it) but it's difficult for many of us including myself. To be honest, I'm kind of a hateful person deep down. Sure, I seem nice most of the time and I do truly care about people but there's still that sinful part of me that judges people, is unforgiving, impatient, envious, disconnected, short tempered, selfish and fails to encourage people. These are hard habits to break!

To see people with God's eyes requires us to forget every perception, prejudice, and past experience. It really makes me appreciate that whole, "no record of wrongs" thing. Thankfully, God is big enough to see me with all my faults and failings and still love me. I just pray that he helps me to do the same with other people. A little refresher course on love more for myself than anyone else...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.- I Corinthians 13:4-7

As many or some of you may know, I have a tattoo (gasp!). It's on my wrist and it says "Love." I had a lot of reasons for getting this particular tattoo. First, I wanted to get something with meaning and significance. I believe that love is the core of existence. God's love for us, our meager attempt at reciprocating and duplicating His love, etc. I mentioned in my previous post how there are those things that you've said that you look back on and think, "What an idiot." Okay, that's not exactly what I said but just go with me on this one. It was not too long ago (within the last two years) that I sat in a room filled with my friends (after Bible study I think) and declared that I did not believe in love and that in fact it was a fictitious creation of desperate people trying to find solace. Oh, and what idiots for buying into that. Yeah, so add bitter to that list above. I cringe thinking back to that now because, let's face it, that was dumb. But I am grateful that God has worked on that area of my life and continues to instill in me that love does exist and that my perspective has even shifted enough to place it as the "core of existence." I do believe in love and in the power of God's love to transform the world, even my pathetic, rebellious heart.

So, when I reach out to people I hope that it is, as my wrist states, out of love. Because otherwise, that makes that tattoo *really* awkward :)

Post-it Note from God

I've been waiting for the perfect post to come to me. I wanted my first *real* post to be inspired, a blog the likes of which has never been seen before. This, however, is not that blog. It's not perfect, I'm not perfect. And that's what I want to write about right now.

Sunday at Church of the Redeemer in Nashville, Father Thomas talked about testimonies and this format that people try to fit their stories into: bad, sinful person-->then God-->resulting in a changed person. This wasn't the point of his sermon but it was a good one so you should check it out here. As he was talking about this, I thought about what my testimony is. I've actually "given my testimony" before and it's funny to think back on the things you've said and the lessons you've taught. I don't know if it's because I'll be 25 later this week and feeling a bit older, but I've been thinking more about the follies or arrogance of my youth. Not that those talks and testimonies were wrong or totally off base, they just might not be what I would say today. So what would my testimony be today?

I was a sinner. Unforgiving, hard hearted and headed, quick to anger, failing to love and live my life by love. Ignoring God and following the thoughts and desires of my own heart. I left undone many things I should have done and did many things I should have left undone. There was no health in me. And then God...and then I was still a sinner and all those things except covered in grace, mercy, and the forgiveness of God's love. Striving to be better, striving to love better and to live better but knowing that it is only through Him that I am changed.

One of Father Thomas' points or questions in his sermon was, "What is God doing in your life? In what areas is He working on you?" I think I've been more acutely aware of this lately because this last year has been a time of great change and transition both externally and internally. God has brought many people in and out of my life and I have seen Him work more clearly than I think I have ever been aware before. There have been blessings and sorrows, joy and trials, but He's sustained me through it all. I am not perfect but I can still embrace what Nouwen calls "becoming the beloved." Knowing that, despite my imperfections and failures, He still loves me. That's pretty amazing. This video really touched me and speaks very eloquently about this so I wanted to share. Please watch it, it will be worth the two or three minutes I promise! I'll wait...

Wow, how powerful. I now have a post-it note on my desk that says, "Do you know that I love you?" I read it everyday to remind myself. As I was trying to explain this to one of my best friends tonight, I said that it was kind of like having a post-it note from God. I encourage you to have your own post-it note, whether mental or physical, to know that God "loves you just as your are and not as you should be." I dare you :)

Hello Out There...

So, I'm trying to expand my technological horizons so I've created a blog and a twitter account (follow me here). Thanks for joining me on this journey, we'll see how it goes...